I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
