i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
