Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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