please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
