I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
