Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's the barista slut.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
