Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
