This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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