I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
