what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize