She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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