I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
