Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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