Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
