dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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