She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
