I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
