you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
