In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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