We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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