Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
