Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
