Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
