You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
