No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
