I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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