I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
