Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
