i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
