Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
