I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
