Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
