Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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