Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
