when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
