why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
