I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize