im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
