nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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