oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
