All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize