I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
