eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
