i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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