I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This house was built for laser tag.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
