I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont even know how to be here
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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