if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
