I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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