I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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