One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
