i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
