Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
