K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
