my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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