i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
