Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
