our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she told me i tasted like america
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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