Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize