May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
