I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
