I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
