we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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