We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
