OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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