Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
