Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
