So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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