Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
