I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
