Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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