I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
