I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
