K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
