I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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