He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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