I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
