You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
