take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
