Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
