Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
