I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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