You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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