Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
