Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
