the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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