If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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