Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
