We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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