Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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