why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
