just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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