I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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