You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
