You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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