My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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