So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
