i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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