Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
