Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize