I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
