Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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