dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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