Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
