Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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