Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
