Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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