I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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