You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize