guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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