Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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