Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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