Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
