Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
