I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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