me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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